Back to Square 1

Well, I showed up at the interview at 5 am, but they were not there again. I e-mailed them to let them know I was there. An hour later or so I received an e-mail that said it was not quite 9 pm their time yet. And that is when I realized that daylight savings had happened over the weekend, which affected the time difference. I should have been there at 6 am, not 5. That e-mail also said that upon careful consideration they were going to delay appointing their next aupair and that they wish me the best of luck in my search. This stopped me dead in my tracks.

To be honest... I was upset, confused, frustrated, embarrassed, blaming myself, and questioning God. This family was absolutely perfect. The location, the duties, the living accommodations, the family's life style, the time needed, the children, vacation time, etc. And as quickly as they just fell into my lap, they were ripped out from under me. As soon as I got their e-mail (and responded explaining the daylight savings situation and how sad I was to hear they were delaying appointment) I immediately jumped back on the aupair site and began searching for new families. Not a single family is in the right location, that needs someone at the time I am available, provides appropriate pay, and has reasonable expectations. After seeing how amazing a possible situation can be, it is hard to look at these other families because no one matches up. I had spent all this time communicating with this family and their aupair just for it all to be for nothing. It is like I have to start all over again with only 2 months to find someone. Also, now, after all the facebook posts and people I have told, I am going to have to tell them they did not want me and the interview did not even happen (again). I felt like I had failed. I kept blaming myself : Was it something I said? Did? If only I had waited 30 more minutes. Was it an answer to one of their questions? Was it the interpretation of an e-mail I sent? Then I started questioning/blaming Him : How could you do this? You know how perfect they were. You know how much I was looking forward to this.

I got ready for the day and called my mom on my way to class. We talked as I cried the whole way. Through our conversation I realized a couple things (that I already knew but had forgotten in the heat of the moment):
1. God knew how much I was looking forward to this family and seeing me so upset breaks His heart, but He also knew I would be even more upset if I got into a situation that was not part of His plan for me
2. He knew how perfect I  thought they were, but He also knew how perfect the family He has for me is
3. Although I may not be able to see His plan and purpose for this now, I know I will be able to at some point

I keep reminding myself that God is helping and protecting me in one way or another. I am also trusting that either this family will return to me at the right time or God has a more perfect family in mind for me. Due to this though, more questions have come up... Am I supposed to go to a different area of the country? Am I supposed to go at a different time? How long am I supposed to stay? I thought I had all this figured out... but with losing this family, now I am questioning all aspects of this plan to make sure they are also part of His plan. Also, in talking with Rama (the mom of my 2nd family) she helped me realize that maybe he is preparing me for my perfect family instead of just throwing me to the wolves and hoping I do a good job and possibly loosing out on the family I am supposed to be with. Maybe this step was helping me learn how to communicate with the family and what questions to ask for an interview and think about my answer. Maybe the next step will be actually getting to go through an interview with another family. And maybe that final  step will be going through the whole process and be welcomed by the family. I am just having to trust and believe that He has me and this journey in His hands and that He knows what He is doing.

In a sense, with all of this, I am back to square 1... but as long as I am there with Him... I am okay with that.

Third Time's a Charm?

I have heard back from the family and they are still interested in having me as their next aupair. Twice this week we have had some confusions and mix ups that have resulted in two missed interviews. We have rescheduled for next Tuesday at 5 am (9 pm their time). With all this rescheduling I realized just how crazy the time difference is. Canberra, Australia is 16 hours ahead of us so I made a "chart" to make it easier (I'll be printing one of these out for my mom before I leave). Waiting for this interview has had my stomach in knots and my mind preoccupied. I am nervous, excited, anxious, thrilled, hopeful, and much more! If this all works out and the interview goes well I will begin sharing some of the details about the location, living situation, family, benefits, etc. I am going to continue e-mailing with their current aupair to get as much information as possible. I am so thankful the family provided me with her e-mail.

Not hearing from the family and aupair and having two missed interviews has reminded me that I need to make sure I am listening for His voice and His direction in this journey. I want to make sure I end up with the family I am supposed to and that I go about this the way He wants me to. I don't want to get into anything if He is not in it and it is not part of His plan.