A month ago (in fact, exactly a month ago to this day) I shared my LifeStory (testimony) at my church here, Compass. Here's how it all started, happened, and is still going:
Not long after I joined Compass I got the privilege of hearing a strong, God filled woman share her LifeStory. It was then that I felt the nudge... the nudge to share mine. I decided this was just me making up the thought, feeling, whatever it was. It kept nudging and nudging me. I finally decided to meet with my Pastor for a chat just to see if this feeling stayed around or not. Well, long story short the chat turned into me sharing my testimony and him asking me if I would be willing to share in December on LifeStory Sunday. I told him I'd think/pray about it. I didn't really understand why anyone else would need to or want to hear it and I didn't really know if I would even be comfortable with sharing the story in front of a group of people, who the majority of I didn't really even know. Not to mention all the friends I had made... What would they think? I have only ever shared this story once and with a very small group of girls who I knew very well. My past kept running through my mind and pieces started being pulled out where God was clearly visible even when it seemed like He wasn't and I started realizing even more just how involved He was in healing my past. I couldn't shake the nudge or the constant stream of new points and realizations and one of those realizations was that those "nudges" and "thoughts", they were God giving me an opportunity to be obedient and to share a story about His love, mercy, grace, forgiveness, freedom, and strength, so I accepted my Pastor's offer to share.
Fast forward to about the beginning of November or so... Nothing for LifeStory was written, no plans, nothing. If anyone mentioned it I was instantly a closed off ball of emotional mess. How was I supposed to take my entire past, put it into words that would only take 25 minutes, choose what to and what not to say and how much of what to say, and make sure that everyone could see God's hand over all of it... How? Duh Nikki! Prayer!! Well about 2 weeks before I was due to share I started feeling this incredible calm in my spirit, mind, and heart. I was able to get some stuff out and down on paper and eventually I had enough to begin editing and making a final product. Before I get further, I have to say that throughout this entire process, from the time I met with my Pastor onward, the girls at church (particularly Georgina, Nikki, and Louise) were absolutely outstanding - letting me vent or just talk things out aloud, praying with me, praying for me, encouraging me, helping me come up with ideas for how to follow my notes and be comfortable while speaking, and so much more. It's amazing how God knows just who and what we'll need and when and how we'll need it. He simply amazes me! Well, a couple days after this clearly God given sense of peace I had a phone call from my Pastor just checking in, seeing how things were going and letting me know that he and the church were praying for me. About a week before hand someone that was at the church prayer meeting told me that everyone there was praying and praying some more for me. My thoughts, "Oooooh, so this is where all that peace and calmness is coming from, because I know good and well I forgot to pray for it because I was so focused on praying about what to say and how to say it." It's still amazes me how these people barely knew me and yet they were fully supporting me 100% through prayer and encouraging words. Even up until the second before I shared my church family was encouraging me with hugs, prayer, gentle affirming touches on my shoulder as I waited, and encouraging words.
Leading up to the day I did "rehearse" it a few times just so I could be familiar with what I was going to say and in what order, but nothing could have prepared me for the actual sharing of my Life Story. Usually when doing this kind of thing my stomach does flips, I feel nauseous, usually my body temp goes off, and I kind of feel like I'm out of my body. But not this morning. Nope. This morning I was completely and entirely calm. No nausea, no worries, no fears, nothing. When it was time to go up I did get a bit shaky, but who wouldn't. I sat down and then my testimony just flowed out of my mouth. I couldn't have stopped it if I wanted to. Emotions were brought up while sharing, but it never stopped me from continuing on. The peace felt and ease of sharing was clearly His presence over me. I never could have rehearsed it and made it come out the way it did or feel the way it did. Without a doubt, He was my biggest support there.
When I finished I was very very shaky, so I just sat down and used that time to pray over what was just shared. I just thanked God for giving me such a big opportunity to be obedient and giving me all the tools necessary to be able to follow through with it. I also prayed for the people who heard the story and the people who may hear the story at a later date - that they may be blessed by it in some way that would bring them closer to Him. After the service was over I got lots of hugs (which we all know I love), several people congratulating me on my courage and bravery, one guy gave me a word, and I had a couple people tell me that for one reason or another they really needed to hear that story. I was blown away by things people were saying they saw in me that I couldn't seem to see in myself and receiving a word like that (for the first time in a long while) was a beautiful gift from my Heavenly Father, but being able to hear from the people who dealt with the same thing(s) or something similar and that they are going to revisit that area of their life and ask for healing was the most beautiful part. But wait, it gets better.
Very often people share their faith or their testimony and they have to walk away never knowing where/how that person ended up, but just know they planted the seed. Well, a few days after I shared I got an e-mail from someone I had just met not too long before my LifeStory Sunday. What they shared with me was extremely open and honest and what has come of this is the 2 of us are now supporting and encouraging one another in a specific area of our lives. Together we are growing in our faith and discovering God's power and the strength and freedom we have in Him. I don't think it's coincidence that we met just a few days beforehand. I think He knew what beautiful relationship and growth would come out of this and orchestrated it all and I definitely don't mind. =]
My past involves some awful things, but it also involves the amazing love, care, acceptance, freedom, joy, peace, strength, and healing of my Heavenly Father. Some people know the whole story, some people know half the story, and some people know nothing at all. In time, some of you may come to know more and I can only pray that it would bless you in some way as it has others.
John 3:16 - "For God so loved the world that he gave His only Son that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life."
--- YOU are valuable to Him! He loves YOU so much that He sent His song to die on a cross to cleanse your sins so that you can live with Him forever. No matter what anyone else may say or what you may think, you are worth something, you are valuable, and you are loved by the Heavenly Father himself.
1 John 1:9 - "If we confess our sins to Him, He is faithful and just to forgive and to cleanse us."
Isaiah 43:25-26 - "I am He who blots out your sins for my own sake and will never think of them again."
Hebrews 10:17 - "Their sins and lawless acts I will remember no more."
Colossians 1:13-14 - "For He has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son He loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins."
--- You'll notice it doesn't say He only forgives every other sin or only the sins that fall into a certain ranking. It says that He promises full, complete, 100% forgiveness. Also, if God can forgive than it is more than okay for you to go ahead and forgive yourself. Healing, growing, and moving forward can't happen if you are constantly holding whatever that thing is against yourself.
Matthew 6:14 - "For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your Heavenly Father will forgive you."
Luke 23:34 - "Jesus said, 'Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing."
--- Receiving forgiveness from God and yourself is just as important in the healing, growing, and moving forward process as is giving out forgiveness. Sometimes people say things like, "Oh, it was just too awful, I'm never going to be able to forgive them" or "They are going to have to do a lot of work before I even think about forgiving them". Jesus forgave the people who were crucifying them as they were crucifying him. It didn't matter how deeply they had hurt him or that they were showing no sign of trying to right their wrongs, He just forgave them right then and there. With Jesus as the ultimate role model, if you are holding something against someone that is hardening your heart seriously think about asking God to help relieve your heart and help you to forgive that person for whatever it is they may have done to you or someone you love. It may not be instant. Sometimes forgiveness can be a hard, difficult process but if you ask for God's help, heart, and strength it is much easier than attempting it on your own. Also, you may never see the person again, but you can still forgive them. Or you may have not seen this person in 15 years and have no idea where they are in life right now, but you can still forgive them.
The freedom that giving and receiving forgiveness brings is unreal, but it is so very attainable for each and every person. Feel free to chat with me about any of this. I'd love to talk/listen. =]
