Unexpected Firsts - ER

Around 6:50p Wednesday night I started feeling cramps in my abdomen. I just thought they were menstrual cramps so I continued on with work. I went downstairs and told Jen I wasn't feeling well and she asked if I was supposed to start soon, I said yeah and that I figured that's all it was. I sat on the couch with Ben to read books before bed and that's when it went from uncomfortable to mild. The cramps were seeming to only be on the right side and after reading when I went to stand my lower right back was in serious pain - like stop me in my tracks pain. I made it off the couch, apologized to Jen that I couldn't finish out the evening, and went upstairs to the bathroom. By this point (about 7:10p) I was starting to think it was something more than menstrual cramps - I was extremely nauseous and my entire right side was in immense pain and all I wanted was my mom and to cry, but I couldn't have the first, and I couldn't do the second because I needed to be in some kind of control. After lying on the bathroom floor for some time because I was so hot and sweaty I ended up throwing up. Afterwards the nausea seemed to subside a bit so I went to my room and laid in my bed. I was in and out of sleep from the exhaustion of throwing up and the pain. One of the times when I woke up I felt nauseous again so headed back to the bathroom floor. I laid there for a bit and threw up again. As I laid on the bathroom floor, exhausted, hot, clutching my side, writhing in pain I was trying to think clearly about what needed to be done - go to the hospital or would this work itself out? I called Georgina (she's a nurse) and she said to go to the hospital right away - she suspected appendicitis, just like everyone else suspected. Jen called a 24 hour GP just to double check that that was what we needed to do. Right after this Daniel walked in the door.

Jen called Daniel upstairs and filled him in as she she packed my toiletries, my purse, my blanket, my kitty, my phone, and once I told her, my phone charger. Luckily I was already in pjs so I didn't need to worry about that. I slipped on some flip flops and we were out the door. Daniel drove as safely and quickly as he could, sometimes with his hazards on. Luckily I'm a pro at vomiting so I was able to tell him with enough advance that I was going to and he pulled over right away. First first - vomiting on the side of the road. However, I'm thankful for the location as it was a side street so there weren't tons of cars or people around and there was a cold pole for me to support myself. Daniel (or anyone here for that matter) hasn't seen me in this much pain before (the only other time I can relate it to is my menstrual cramps in high school and early uni years) so I'm pretty sure it freaked him out a bit when I started lightly hitting myself on my forehead and the side of my face. It doesn't hurt and I don't have much control over it. It's just too much pain for my body to handle so it has to release it somehow.

We got to the ER (second first) and I was seen by someone (that someone was a jerk) automatically. He looked at me and talked to me like I was crazy and over reacting. When going through the questions and things he went at a snails pace when I was clearly in pain that was way over my ability to handle. When he finally finished and walked me back to a bed he went so fast I lost him at times. I was dizzy, in pain, and standing (let alone walking) only made it worse so I had to go slowly and stop at times. Once I made it to the bed I never saw him again and everyone else after that was very nice. However, their intern lady should learn how NOT to pull on and shake the tubes/needles at the IV site. Luckily, since my mom is a nurse I've heard numerous times about this kind of thing happening so I knew to just hold it still myself while she pulled and shook it.

Everything was pretty much a whirlwind between different nurses putting in IVs (third first), taking my temperature and my blood pressure, testing the pain, asking questions, etc. All this was happening while I was still pushing against the foot board (which I was grateful for), gritting my teeth trying not to scream and/or cry, rolling back and forth, rubbing my legs with my feet - anything my body could do to try and release the pain. However, I was complimented on my ability to relax my arm for the IV and blood pressure while the rest of my body was still very tense. Again, which is something I remember hearing my mom say is important - relaxing makes it less painful and easier. The nurse gave me one dose of morphine (fourth first), but it was clear that it wasn't making a difference. She then gave me a second dose, but again, no let up in the pain. The doctor came in and did a quick assessment and after taking my blood pressure okayed a third dose. Ah... the sweet relief of pain!! I was still nauseous, but I wasn't in pain. However... the dry mouth side effect of morphine... pretty freaking annoying especially since it was in addition to the gross, after vomiting taste already in my mouth. All I wanted was to lick the condensation of a bottle or suck on a wet paper towel, but in case they were going to have to do a procedure, I couldn't.

In doing his assessment I could see that he wasn't convinced that it was appendicitis. There was pain in my lower back and there wasn't tenderness or the right kind of pain in my abdomen. He was pretty sure it was kidney stones. This may be TMI for some of you, so if you don't want to read about my urine, then skip down a paragraph. They needed a urine sample (fifth first) to see if there was blood in the urine though so they pumped me full of a liter of saline. I went to the bathroom to pee, but threw up instead. So they pumped another liter of saline in, and that didn't help either. I went into the bathroom again and could only get the smallest sample. Oh yeah, and threw up again. When the tested the sample it came back positive for blood, but it also came back positive for a bunch of other stuff that didn't seem right to them. So they told me that I was going to go have a CAT scan in a little while and that I'd need to try and get them a better sample later. The only thing I remember from that conversation was the word, "cancer"... Apparently, when the doctor said CAT scans increase your risk of cancer due to the radiation I then said, "Yeah, apparently so does living in Australia". I don't remember this, but I figure I was referring to the sun.

All this time I was in contact with Georgina (she works at the hospital I was at) and my mom. And Daniel was doing what he could to help me feel comfortable and not alone.

Daniel left to go find some food because he hadn't had dinner and it was pretty late. It was during this time that the lady came in and wanted to take me for the CAT scan (sixth first). I asked if we could try and wait until he came back. We waited, I started shaking/shivering, but she couldn't wait any longer, and after rejecting her offer for a warm blanket, I agreed for her to just take me (at 1am Thursday morning). Thinking about it now, I still get teary eyed... This was by far the scariest thing I've ever done. I was laying in a hospital bed shivering although I wasn't cold with a complete and total stranger who was wheeling me down a long, dark, empty corridor to get a scan that has enough radiation to increase my chances of getting cancer. I couldn't stop the tears from rolling out of the corners of my eyes and down the sides of my face as I lay there... feeling helpless, alone, and scared. I cried throughout the CAT scan and the whole way back to the ER. Not crying crying, just silent tears rolling down my face.

Some time later Daniel returned and apologized for not being there, but I played it off as it was no big deal. It wasn't him that I wanted anyways... it was my mom or a best friend. Someone who could hold me as I cried and just dealt with all the emotions in my head.

During the hour and a half or two hours we waited for the X-Ray results I was able to get them a good sample which came back negative for all the other stuff, but still positive for blood. The nurse brought me a warm blanket regardless of what I said when she asked again. I was thankful for it because it seemed to help, which was weird, because I didn't feel cold. During this length of time I threw up one or two more times, Daniel and I had a good chat for most of it, he set my phone to charge, and he got me another warm blanket when mine cooled down. Shortly after I started drifting in and out of sleep. The doctor came in around 2:30am with my X-Ray results and said there was no kidney stone showing on the right side, but the pain was from it passing. However, the X-Ray was showing another kidney stone on the left side. He explained how kidney stones pass and what's happening in your body during that time. He also told me there is no way for them to tell when the other one will decide to pass - it could be tomorrow or it could be 12 years from now. He said it is only 2mm so I need to drink as much water as absolutely possible to keep it from growing. He also mentioned that once you have kidney stones, you are more than bound to have them again. He then told me I could either stay until the morning or go home.

When the doctor went away to do some paperwork Daniel and I just sat there. I tried hard to stop them, but the silent tears came again and when Daniel noticed he asked if there was anything I needed. I said no, but in my head I was screaming my mom or a best friend. I was just so physically exhausted from the pain, vomiting, and morphine. I was mentally exhausted from the change of nurses and doctors, the new information, and thinking about what this all means. I was emotionally exhausted from trying to control my emotions when I was scared, upset, frustrated, and really just wanted to be hugged/held and let everything out. Once I sucked it all back in again for the millionth time Daniel and I just sat there in and out of sleep until the doctor came back around 3:15am. He brought me some anti-inflammatory meds to take home and I told him I wanted to go home. I was still incredibly nauseous and in some pain, but I just wanted my bed, my blanket, my stuffed animals, my sleep music, etc. Daniel paid the bill before leaving and then we got in the car.

On the ride home I asked Daniel how much it was and he wouldn't give me an exact number and told me not to worry about it. We'd check with my health insurance to see if we can get some or all of it back, but if not, it didn't matter. When we got home Daniel helped me find some pain meds while Jen went upstairs and cleared off my bed for me. She helped me get settled and made sure I understood I wasn't to get up in the morning to work or go to my CRE training even though I really wanted to. Once in bed I called my mom to update her and then cried myself to sleep.

This morning I heard the kids when they woke up, because I always do, but then I didn't hear them again after that until they walked out the door. When Jen got home she helped me figure out when I could take what medicines and brought some food/drink up to me. She checked on me throughout the day and brought food/drink up to me throughout the day as well. The kids were so quiet when they came home from school. The evening got a little rocky with some temper tantrums and things, but overall amazing. Luckily, Daniel was able to be home this late afternoon/evening to help Jen. When I mentioned to Jen how quiet the kids were she said that once she told them what happened they were absolutely amazing. Michelle was actually quite concerned and just itching to see me, but Jen told her she needs to wait until tomorrow. And during dinner this evening I overheard Ben say something, then it went quiet, then he said, "I whispered that to Michelle because Nikki is sick and I need to be quiet". And apparently they have made me cards, which I will see tomorrow. Gah, just love these kids.

I have been in contact with my mom during the day when the times line up as well as Georgina. I have had several messages, texts, phone calls, and comments of love and get well wishes, which I greatly appreciate. Nothing like a flood of love after this whole ordeal. To this point, I've been awake for maybe 4 hours of the day (all spent in bed). The rest has been spent in and out of sleep. I am a bit sore still, but mostly what's keeping me down is the nausea. I'm having a hard time eating/drinking, which just adds to the physical exhaustion. I've been crying a lot today sometimes just randomly, sometimes if I think about the way I was feeling last night, sometimes wishing I had my mom or a friend here with me to make me laugh and make these 4 walls seem a bit more friendly. I'm hoping to shower in the am though and actually be up and moving around a bit. If I could just get rid of the nausea, I could handle the pain and be functional.

I don't know now what is going to happen with CRE since I missed the training. I don't know when this other stone with decide to pass and if it will cause as much pain as the other. I don't know if I'll have to experience this all over again at any given moment in the future. I'm trying very hard to be mindful of the positive things like the fact that Daniel was home to go with me, this didn't happen in a week when I'll be in NZ, that it wasn't appendicitis because then I'd have to have surgery and wouldn't be recovered in time to bungee in NZ, that my host parents knew what to do and where to go, that my host parents have been so attentive, that I had contact at least with my mom, that my friend is a nurse and was able to tell me what to do, etc etc. For now though, I think it's time to turn in for the night and get a solid night's rest and hopefully wake up feeling much better. I'll keep you updated. Keep praying please.