Finances: I owe $500 towards student loans every month. I owe Jen and Daniel $475 for the repairs to the car from the accident. My health insurance bill of $220 is due in January. Christmas is literally right around the corner and I am determined to make sure people get presents - handmade or otherwise, here and back home. I also have two holidays back to back (which I am not complaining about) but the cost of those two holidays will be a stretch to cover. The second one - Sydney - will be more expensive than my holiday in Port Douglas and is turning out to be more expensive than I had originally budgeted for. My flight home and back will cost me right around $2,000. Not to mention the flight home again at the end of my time here as well as all the other things I want to see and do here. To piggy back on that, I have been here for almost 5 months now and I just don't feel like I have done and seen as much as the other au pairs. Every time I turn around they are seeing some other amazing part of the country and going on all these tours and trips... Where is my adventure and sightseeing?! Oh yeah... locked away in my imaginary bank vault with stacks of money along with the host parents I originally signed up who said they would give me plenty of time off to go on trips to see the other coast...
Job: Because everyone is so over tired and just ready to be done we are all a little on edge and easily annoyed and easy to get into a bad mood. Michelle, 6 years old, tells me at least twice a day that she is tired. Her being tired and overworked causes her to whine, complain, and negotiate - none of which I am a fan of or put up with. Then she goes and sulks and it puts us later behind. Ben is seen of more as a baby than a 3.5 year old and is so tired and overwhelmed that he cries at the smallest, I mean smallest, of things - Mich in his seat, not having his ketchup in the right shape, having to carry his bag to the car, you name it, he cries about it. Well, not so much cries, there are no tears, more like screams and it's all for a show and attention. How do I know? Because today when he was doing this I made him walk to the table and as soon as he got to table he stopped on the dime. One time I told him I was going to count to 3 and then he was going to be done. Again, stopped on the dime. Ben's constant screaming quickly puts me in a foul mood towards anyone and everyone in the house. And for some reason I find the smallest things the most annoying things and I just can't help but dwell on them.
Story: On Sunday I am sharing my life story (testimony) with my church here. I have never shared this with a group of more than like 6 people and I knew all 6 of them very very well. There's a lot of mixed emotions and back and forths, but I wouldn't be doing this if I didn't feel like I'm supposed to, so if you don't pray for anything else for me, pray about this.
Holidays: Okay, so you're probably thinking... How in the world can you stress about a holiday?! Well, I don't have anything booked yet or tickets bought yet (refer to the finances portion). I don't have dates down or any set plans. This wouldn't be such a big deal if it wasn't the summer season here and school holidays when everywhere books up pretty fast. If I could find the time to sit down and just plan it all out... that would be great.
Sleep/Time: Why is that I feel like I'm missing hours in my day. I know they say the day is 24 hours, but I seriously feel like there are at the most 10 hours in my day. I wake up feeling just as tired as when I laid my head down on the pillow to go to sleep. And as soon as I finally get settled in my day and/or feel like I can take a breath it's time to go pick up the kids. I absolutely dread having Ben home all day tomorrow... I just don't know how I'm going to handle it - his loud, whiny voice, his "crying", and honestly... his constant need for attention... Other days his voice and need for attention don't bother me, I mean, he is only 3 after all. But where I am right now... thinking about tomorrow makes me want to just bury my face in a pillow and scream. 12.5 hours of constant Ben (as cute and silly as he can be at times) just isn't my ideal right now... There is so much other, more productive stuff I could do and/or need to do - figure out my finances, plan for the holidays, nap, practice for Sunday, etc.
I'm trying to be good. I'm trying to just let each day be a new day. I'm trying to stay positive. I'm trying to have a Christ-like attitude. But can I just be honest for one second? Sometimes I don't want to smile! I don't want to be positive! I don't want to repeat those Bible verses in my head about how He will provide and calm and etc. I just want to scream and cry about it for a bit!!!! I'm half tempted to go out to the car just so I can cry without anyone here hearing me. At the moment I'm feeling pretty lousy. I know it will pass - it always does. And compared to millions of people I have it way better off, but at the moment I'm tired of always having to keep my tears inside and shoving down my frustrations and worries because if I don't everyone in the house will hear me, so I'm laying them out here.
Job: Because everyone is so over tired and just ready to be done we are all a little on edge and easily annoyed and easy to get into a bad mood. Michelle, 6 years old, tells me at least twice a day that she is tired. Her being tired and overworked causes her to whine, complain, and negotiate - none of which I am a fan of or put up with. Then she goes and sulks and it puts us later behind. Ben is seen of more as a baby than a 3.5 year old and is so tired and overwhelmed that he cries at the smallest, I mean smallest, of things - Mich in his seat, not having his ketchup in the right shape, having to carry his bag to the car, you name it, he cries about it. Well, not so much cries, there are no tears, more like screams and it's all for a show and attention. How do I know? Because today when he was doing this I made him walk to the table and as soon as he got to table he stopped on the dime. One time I told him I was going to count to 3 and then he was going to be done. Again, stopped on the dime. Ben's constant screaming quickly puts me in a foul mood towards anyone and everyone in the house. And for some reason I find the smallest things the most annoying things and I just can't help but dwell on them.
Story: On Sunday I am sharing my life story (testimony) with my church here. I have never shared this with a group of more than like 6 people and I knew all 6 of them very very well. There's a lot of mixed emotions and back and forths, but I wouldn't be doing this if I didn't feel like I'm supposed to, so if you don't pray for anything else for me, pray about this.
Holidays: Okay, so you're probably thinking... How in the world can you stress about a holiday?! Well, I don't have anything booked yet or tickets bought yet (refer to the finances portion). I don't have dates down or any set plans. This wouldn't be such a big deal if it wasn't the summer season here and school holidays when everywhere books up pretty fast. If I could find the time to sit down and just plan it all out... that would be great.
Sleep/Time: Why is that I feel like I'm missing hours in my day. I know they say the day is 24 hours, but I seriously feel like there are at the most 10 hours in my day. I wake up feeling just as tired as when I laid my head down on the pillow to go to sleep. And as soon as I finally get settled in my day and/or feel like I can take a breath it's time to go pick up the kids. I absolutely dread having Ben home all day tomorrow... I just don't know how I'm going to handle it - his loud, whiny voice, his "crying", and honestly... his constant need for attention... Other days his voice and need for attention don't bother me, I mean, he is only 3 after all. But where I am right now... thinking about tomorrow makes me want to just bury my face in a pillow and scream. 12.5 hours of constant Ben (as cute and silly as he can be at times) just isn't my ideal right now... There is so much other, more productive stuff I could do and/or need to do - figure out my finances, plan for the holidays, nap, practice for Sunday, etc.
I'm trying to be good. I'm trying to just let each day be a new day. I'm trying to stay positive. I'm trying to have a Christ-like attitude. But can I just be honest for one second? Sometimes I don't want to smile! I don't want to be positive! I don't want to repeat those Bible verses in my head about how He will provide and calm and etc. I just want to scream and cry about it for a bit!!!! I'm half tempted to go out to the car just so I can cry without anyone here hearing me. At the moment I'm feeling pretty lousy. I know it will pass - it always does. And compared to millions of people I have it way better off, but at the moment I'm tired of always having to keep my tears inside and shoving down my frustrations and worries because if I don't everyone in the house will hear me, so I'm laying them out here.
I can't help but think though, what impeccable timing Satan has... that I would feel this way just 4 days before I'm supposed to share my story with my church about how amazing God is and what He was brought me through and where He has brought me to... coincidence? I think not...
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