Rama's Hospital Saga

While I was still in Australia my 2nd mom was admitted into the hospital. I hated that I couldn't be there for my little sisters. Getting updates was also hard with the time difference. She had just come home from the hospital 2-3 days before I came home. I came home on the 10th, saw them on the 11th. I got to spend time chatting with them a bit and catching up. By the 15th she was back in the hospital. I found this out as I was driving home from Greensboro (a 45 minute drive) and I got a call from my oldest little sister (Rebeka) telling me about it and then asking me if I could come stay with them for the night. Of course I said yes. I wasn't there for them the first time around and I was so thankful I could be there for them this time around. I still had the 45 minute drive ahead of me, I was falling asleep, and I still had to stop at my house to pack up a few things before going over there, but I was going to be there. I got to their house and we stayed up and chatted for quite some time then turned in for the night. I had breakfast with my youngest little sister (Amanda), had a quick chat with the girls, and then left as they left for school.

Later this same day I got a call from my Rama (2nd mom) thanking me for staying with the girls the night before and then asked if I could stay again tonight. She apologized, but I told her not to and just to worry about herself and I had the girls. Again, I couldn't come until late due to other commitments, but that wasn't an issue. When I arrived, they were both in bed, but Amanda left me a sweet note. I saw them in the morning and again left as they left for school. That same night Rama came home from the hospital. As she was recovering I was able to stop over at the house and spend some time one-on-one with her chatting and going through my scrapbook (which she had inspired me to get and do in the first place). The girls came home from school a little while later and I left shortly after that to go to my other commitments.

Late May she was then readmitted into the hospital AGAIN. I went and saw her in the hospital on June 5th. And that was the last time I saw her before I left on the 10th. Had I known that she would be in and out of the hospital so much I would have taken more time out of previous days to see her. The day before I was set to leave I sat on the floor packing texting with Rebeka about what the plans were for the day as I was going to come see them. I couldn't help but cry the whole time we were texting because as badly as I wanted to see everyone, I didn't want to see my Rama in the state she was... the way I saw her in the hospital was enough. I knew if I didn't go I would regret not seeing her, but I knew if I went I would be upset, so either way was a lose situation. Thinking about leaving without saying a proper "see-you-later" immediately sent me into tears. I couldn't help but think about how none of this really went as I had imagined when it came to spending time with my 2nd family while I was home. I realize how selfish this sounds considering Rebeka had her prom and high school graduation among all this, considering my 2nd dad and my little sisters were the ones who were there morning and night helping out, and considering Robin is the one who had to actually put up with the pain, the in and out of the hospital, the tiredness, the failed surgeries, etc. But none of that changed how much I love my Rama and was just hoping for some significantly special time with her while I was home.

In the end I decided not to go and instead Rebeka came and saw me, which ended up being a nice time with her. Now that I'm back in Australia and have been for 2, almost 3, weeks I am finally able to think about my 2nd family without crying and I am finally able to write these series of blogs of my time with them without crying. I think the turning point was a Skype session I had with my little sisters and Rama a couple days ago. My Rama looked so much more like herself - healthy skin, hair done, more energy, smiling, etc. This was the image I needed before I could be okay with everything that had happened. I just needed to see her back to normalish so I could be assured it would all be okay and when I come home in December that I will actually get that special time I was hoping for. While all this hospital stuff sucks... I'm glad I was home for most of it, especially for my little sisters.

Sissys (and K)!! Prom and Grad

One of the main events that I wanted to be home for, but was sure that I'd miss, was my little sister Rebeka's prom. Turns out, I came home the weekend before it. I was so excited that I wouldn't be missing this moment in her life as well. Senior year of high school is such a big year and I had already missed the entire thing and I didn't want to miss this also.

I arrived plenty early to see the full transformation from my normal (as normal as she can be anyway ;) we are very much alike in our weirdness) beautiful little sister to my extraordinarily beautiful grown little sister. I didn't help, because let's face it, when it comes to hair and make-up we all know I'm the bare minimum kind of gal, but it was so nice to be there for the occasion, to chat, give her a few words of big sisterly advice, and see her off. Don't be fooled, she isn't that much taller than me, she just has on massive heels. ;)

The other main event I needed to be home for was Rebeka's graduation. Graduations are a big deal to me because it means you've made it through one chapter of your life and are moving on to the next and to see someone I love so much reach this point, I wanted to be there for it to celebrate with her in her accomplishment. 

I planned on driving in with Kaitlyn (my neighbor, one of my best friends), but first we were going to drive further out to Belk to pick up something for one of my friends back in Australia. About an hour before we were supposed to leave Kaitlyn calls me to say the dress she bought still has the ink tag on it, so now we have to stop there as well before we leave. Then about 15 minutes before we're supposed to leave Kaitlyn calls me again to say her straightener died and needed to borrow mine. About 10 minutes later she arrived at my house. Now Kaitlyn doesn't have thin hair like I do which only requires a quick, short straighten/curl... No, Kaitlyn has loooong, thick, wavy hair... so this was no quick little do. By the time we pulled out of the driveway it was about 3:30 (the graduation started at 4:30) and we still had to drive to different places in a different city/town than the graduation. Did I mention it was POURING rain?! We pulled out of the driveway and I was sure I had left my phone inside, so she pulled back in the driveway, I found my phone, and we left again. This was just a small peak into the ridiculous that this night was about to become. 

We made it safely (surprisingly considering half the time you couldn't see two inches in front of the car) to both locations with quick runs in and back out and pulled into our parking space at the event center at 4:20. Our hair was a bit messed up from dashing in the rain, but other than that I'd say we looked pretty darn good. Kaitlyn put on her makeup and then it was time to go the long distance to the building. We avoided as many puddles as possible and climbed up and down hills and stairs. By the time we reached the doors I was out of breath. They checked our bags and we went to look for my non-graduating little sister, Amanda. I don't know what I was doing, but I clearly wasn't looking in the right spot because I couldn't find her. Good thing I had Kait with me though because she spotted her in a second. Lucky for us they were sitting smack dab in the middle of everything right up front AND graduation had already started so it was dead quiet except for the person speaking. So here goes Kaitlyn and I (both graduates of this high school and walked down these steps once before, but much slower and in heels) charging down the stairs as quietly as possibly, but it's hard when they are metal/bleacher stairs. 

We get to our seats and get some nasty looks from the snobs in front of us and I am sweating and feel like a hot mess, still out of breath. Now probably wasn't an appropriate time for me to catch up with Amanda, but she's my little sissy, I missed her, and we have limited time while I'm home, so we went for it. Unfortunately, Amanda can't whisper to save her life, so we got more nasty looks. Once we'd had our fill though we quieted down and listened to the same old same old graduation speeches and then the names started. One by one I counted and checked the program waiting for my Rebeka's name to be called. When it was we all cheered, I waited for everyone to quiet down, and then I screamed loud enough for all of Chapel Hill to hear, "I love you sissy!!!" I just wanted her to know that I had made it and was there celebrating with her. I felt so blessed to be able to be home and there for that moment. It may just be a few steps across the stage, but it stands for so much more than just that. My little sister is growing up (fast might I add) and moving forward to bigger and better things and I can't wait to see where life takes her!! =]

After graduation I gave her a big hug and then went to find some other people I knew. I got to see Charon!! My theater trouble making buddy from high school who always used to make me laugh no matter how down and out I was. I saw my youth pastor from high school, Raymond, which was completely unexpected! And I saw Savannah, a little girl I used to babysit, who really isn't all that little anymore. To think I used to babysit Savannah when we was like 8 and tell her when to go to bed and not to make a mess and to quit aggravating her little brothers (who also aren't really all that little anymore either) and now she's graduating from high school, moving away from home, and heading off to college... seriously... it blows my mind. I remember when I first saw her driving around the Loop with her permit and I thought that was crazy, but that was just yesterday, wasn't it?! Are you sure she's old enough to graduate?! Not cool father time... not cool!!!

After I gathered my brain off the floor which had turned to mush with all these emotions and thinking Kaitlyn, Amanda, and I headed to my 2nd dad's work for Rebeka's graduation party. We ate food, which I wish I had more room in my stomach for because it was so freaking good I wanted like 12 plates of it. We danced, ridiculously might I add, but that's just how it goes. We looked through pictures of Beka growing up. We had cake, which stained my tooth because of all the dye in it. And we just hung out and chatted about just about anything. I mostly talked with Amanda and Kaitlyn, but also spent some time with my Beka spinning her around in a chair while she held a bunch of balloons, you know, as you do. Towards the end those of us left helped break down and clean up. This was the most time I got to spend with my 2nd dad, this cleaning up portion, but unfortunately the time was spent doing that, cleaning. 

After the party I gave my graduated little sister a hug and Amanda, Kaitlyn, and I headed out to the car because they had run out of seats to take Amanda home, we did. I didn't mind though, hopefully neither did Kaitlyn since she was driving ( ;) just messing, I know she didn't mind). Sitting with Amanda during graduation, the party, and now the drive home really gave me some time to feel like I had hung out with her. It wasn't exactly one on one, but it was as close as we were going to get at this point (plus we had some one on one time when I picked her up from school early earlier on in my visit home). If anyone who didn't know us had been with us, they would have had no idea the massive age gap between Amanda and I (who is now DRIVING by the way!!!, again father time... NOT COOL!!!). She is so beautiful, so mature (in most areas of life), and so sweet (to me anyways). I love my baby sis!! <3

Now, it seems like I was celebrating Rebeka but got to spend more time with Amanda, but that's just what happens when someone has a party or celebration. Their time is divided between everyone there, so luckily the day before I left Rebeka came to see me and she went to a store with me and then hung out at my house for a bit and chatted so I could get some one on one time with her as well. I kept thinking to myself that the next time I see her in person she is going to be a college student... and then I stopped thinking that because it started freaking me out. Father time was being far from kind to me during this visit home... 

Definitely not the same little girls they used to be <3

2nd Family Love

The first time I really really got to hang out with my 2nd family was exactly what I need. My little sister, Amanda, did my toenails for me like the pro she is (and a month and a half later they are STILL done!!)! My Rama (2nd mom) made my absolute favorite chip dip. My 2nd dad made yummy hot dogs and mac'n'cheese for dinner. And we just hung out in the living room chatting and catching up. At some point it became me and my 2 little sisters on the couch together - me in the middle. We stayed that way for quite some time chatting, being stupid and then laughing at our stupidity, and just being close. I think daily about that hour or so we spent this way and I can't help but smile. It's the times like this that I cherish and will treasure forever. They sure are growing up into beautiful young women, but I'm glad they know they are never too big (considering they both tower over me) or too old for hugs, snuggling, and being ridiculous!! <3

We didn't do anything fancy, special, or out of the ordinary, but we didn't need to to have a good time. All we needed was each other's company. I don't think there wasn't a moment that night that I wasn't smiling from ear to ear. Being with my 2nd family warms my heart so much. One of my favorite things about them is that when I'm being myself, which is random and crazy, I fit right in! They don't laugh at me, but instead they laugh with me because more than likely they've already joined in the random crazyness. My 2nd family isn't about putting up fronts or keeping some kind of image. They are all about just relaxing and being whoever the heck it is you feel like being at the moment and for that, them letting me be me and accepting me as one of their own regardless, is why I love them so much. These are just a few of the pictures from that night. <3

Someones Were Missing...

So, you may have noticed, or you may have not, that a certain group of people were missing from my blogs about my visit home. Every time I sat down to write the blog I couldn't even type the first letter without my eyes tearing up. First - Things didn't go exactly as planned while I was home and while it may seem selfish, I was upset. I wasn't upset because I was mad at them or blamed them. I was simply upset because I love and missed them so much that I was hoping for much more time with them and under better circumstances. None of it was their fault, and they're the one that had to deal with the yucky circumstances, so I really shouldn't be upset, but that's just how I felt. Not to mention the fact that I certainly wasn't the only one whose plans didn't go the way they expected. Related to that is my second point. Second - One of the most sucky things about being away is that time back home doesn't freeze. The people you leave behind don't stop growing up, maturing, making decisions, and meeting life milestones simply because you decided to go off and adventure. Coming home to find that the little people I left behind really aren't so little anymore, frankly, it sucks. While I'm proud of them and what they've accomplished and what beautiful people they've become, it doesn't change the fact that I wish they could have stayed little. However, I am thankful for the time I got at home with them and for a couple major events in their life that I would have been devastated had I missed.

As for my first point - I saw this person for the last time on a Wednesday and then I left the following Monday. That's 4.5 days before I left and I didn't see this person, who had it gone as planned, I would have seen the day before I left. I wanted to see them again but I knew if I did I would only cry, and they didn't need that, so I decided not to go. I also didn't go because the image I had in my head from the last time I saw them really wasn't ideal when getting ready to leave them for 6 months and I knew that if I went and saw them it would only be more of that same painful image I already had and I didn't want to imprint it any further. I just kept trying to remind myself of the first (and last) time I really really got to hang out with them while I was home and we chatted, had dinner, they made me my favorite chips and dip, and they were the silly, bubbly person I know them to be.

As for my second point - When my host parents asked me what days I wanted off for my visit home I made sure those dates included a prom and graduation, because I had already missed a birthday (I knew I'd be missing another), getting a car, the last band concert, college choosing and plans, the start of high school, and so much more. I knew that given the opportunity I did not want to miss prom and graduation as well. These, what used to be kids, are growing up fast and I want to be there for as much of it as possible and I want them to know that I am here for them. The reason this is so hard for me to write about is because of all the things I have missed and I know I will miss in their lives, but I remain grateful for the special time I got with  them while home as well as the time I got alone with each of them. One is pretty much an adult now and making decisions that will affect the rest of their life. I won't be there as they begin the next chapter in their life which includes probably the hardest thing they've ever done - college. The other one isn't quite to that point yet, but they are driving, gorgeous, and have definitely matured. I won't be there as they continue to work their way through the rockyness that is high school and as they try to make the right decisions under peer pressure. Because I can't be there for them, except through Skype and text, I do all I know I can do for them, which is pray. For these two I pray daily because they have no idea what a hold they have on my heart and just how very much I love them. I don't want to see them hurt, stuck in the muck after they make a bad choice, or regret anything and while I know those things are a part of life it doesn't make it any easier to watch people you love have to deal with it and I want to know that I've done my part to try and steer them in the right direction. So until I return home and can be there for them in person, daily prayer and being available whenever possible will do.

So... why no names? Because even writing the way I have I still had to fight back the tears - in fact my head and jaw now hurt from it. But now that I'm at the end and I can handle crying for a short bit rather than the whole length of time it takes to write, while you may have already figured it out, I will say who I am writing about - my 2nd family. Clearly my first point is regarding my 2nd mom (Rama, Robin), who while I was home spent a significant time in the hospital and/or recovering from the hospital and my second point is regarding my little sisters (Amanda and Rebeka). As for my 2nd dad (Jay), well that's another point, because I hardly got to see him at all. For a family to love someone so much and accept someone to the extent that my 2nd family has always reminds me of how blessed I am. They've supported and encouraged me physically, financially, emotionally, and more over the years and for that I am forever grateful. Our relationships started getting really really strong when I was about 14, but with the way we love each other you'd think I'd known them since birth. I'm so very seriously blessed to have them as my second family. Maybe now that I've gotten this out I can write the other blogs about my time with them without crying...

Kids' Changes

I was away for a month and in little ones' lives that is a long time when it comes to development.

Michelle doesn't look older and she doesn't act older (although she has always read and spoken way beyond her years). However, she is doing new things like mastering Hebrew (and trying to teach me), tying bows on her own (which I showed her a couple weeks before I left), and showering (rather than bathing).

Michelle with her first bow

Ben has a new haircut which makes him look like the big 4 year old boy he is. That's right. Ben had a birthday while I was away. He is doing a few new things like getting in the tub on his own and enjoying more advanced picture books. Also, his reading has always been stellar, but now his reading is over the top. He just turned four and he is reading words like small planes, jumbo jet, pumper, and more.

Joseph also had a birthday while I was away. Joseph turned 1!! Along with that has come several developmental changes. He is sitting with no problem, but even more than that he is crawling fast as ever, crouching, kneeling, and pulling up to a stand. His hair has gone curly in the back. He is interacting more - feeding the grown up, handing the grown up toys, making serious eye contact, making a noise to either finish the song or get you to continue singing, etc. He is feeding himself now (for the most part) and one of my favorite new things... He has 4 tiny little teeth!! They are too cute!! Also, he is down to one sleep a day - in the middle of the day. One thing he hasn't done is grown. He is still just the tiny thing he was before I left. The doctors are saying he's the size of a 6-7 month old. Another thing that hasn't changed is his crying in the middle of the night... he still does that, but not as loudly or as often.

Teeth!!

Standing and handing me a block.

Feeding me carrot salad. He LOVES to feed the grown ups.

Excited to see what the next 6 months will bring out in this little ones!!

My Munkie

When I arrived home I partially expected Munkie to be all over me, but to my non-surprise she was hunkered under the couch (where she goes when there is a really loud noise or when I am trying to put her in her carrier to go somewhere). I laid on the floor and tried to get her out but she then ran into the office under the desk. I had to pull her from under the desk. I then held her real close and tight while I whispered to her and pet her. I took her out into the living/dining room where everyone was... bad idea. She really doesn't like loud, big groups of people. She put up with it, but I could tell she was pretty uncomfortable/scared. After getting a few kisses in I let her go.

Shortly after my brother and his girlfriend left, my mom and brother went upstairs, and my dad was sitting at the table quietly, so all that was left was me and my friend Kaitlyn. Once again I found Munkie hunkered under the couch. Once I got her to come out from under the couch she ran to under the side table next to the couch. I laid down on the floor, stuck my hand under the table right near her, and talked to her quietly in my Munkie voice. It was the cutest thing ever because I would say something and then she would quietly meow and chatter (if you've never heard a cat do this you should YouTube it because it's pretty funny/adorable) at me. This exchange took place a few times and then I reached in to pull her out and she let me. 

I sat on the floor of my living/dining room with my Munkie in my arms she went quiet and just curled into a ball with her head tucked under my arm. If I knew crying wouldn't have disturbed her then I totally would have right at that moment. Instead I stayed quiet as well just soaking up the moment that after having my Munkie by my side 24/7 for 2 years and then not having her at all for 10 months she was now back in my arms. 

After we finished cuddling and I finished kissing her on her little kitty head and telling her how much her Ninny loves her I gave her her present I brought back for her from Australia - A Kangaroo necklace. People thought I was crazy for buying my cat a necklace, or for even taking a souvenir home to my cat all for that matter, but I know what my Munkie likes and my Munkie likes jewelry. All throughout my last 2 years of Uni she was always stealing my roommate's jewelry and hiding it in my bathroom (usually in the toilet) and since I've been gone she has been stealing my mom's jewelry and hiding it underneath the bathmat in my bathroom. So her own necklace seemed like a good idea and boy was it ever. She LOVED it!!! She not only played with it right then, but up until the day I left she was still playing with it. We find it all over the house. She drags it around in her teeth. She picks it up in her paws to play with it too. It's really the cutest thing. 

From the time she came out from under the bench until the moment I left, it seemed as though to her, I had never left. She followed me around from room to room as she always used to. She snuggled in close at night (sometimes). She did towel time (after I get out of the shower and wrap in my towels she likes to sit on my lap because it's warm). We played in the morning first thing and right before bed. She sat patiently as she waited for me to open the blinds really early in the morning, way before I was ready to get up. She napped in  her nest (either made with a snuggie next to me or I put a blanket over my legs and make and O shape with my legs that she sleeps in). And she did many more of the typical Munkie things she has always done. It was so nice to see that she remembered me so very well after all that time apart and that she didn't have any hard feelings regarding my leaving. 

Helping me clean my room

The day I left, as mentioned in my "Leaving Home" blog, I once again had to take her in my arms (just as I did on July 16, 2012), cuddle real close, and tell her just how much I love her, that I'll be back because Ninnys always come back, that Jamma and Uncle Mawrty and the rest of the family and cat family will be there to love her and play with her, and that I'd Skype her. I made sure to remind her not to escape because outside is dangerous, to not steal Jamma's jewelry anymore because she has her own, and not to make Jamma carry her to dinner anymore. You know... all the things a human cat mom has to say to her baby before leaving her for 6 months. Of course I cried, like last time, while doing this, but then I just put her back in her basket (where I picked her up from) gave her one more kiss on her little kitty head, told her I loved her, and walked downstairs to get my bags and go out the door.

A lot of people don't understand the connection I have with Munkie, while others understand it very well. Munkie is more than an animal or a pet, she is like a member of my family, one of my best friends, my companion. I helped her into this world as her cat mom wasn't really into the whole giving birth and following instincts thing and a month or so later I chose her as my own as I prepared to move me, now us, into an apartment to finish my last 2 years of Uni. For those 2 years she was there when I came home after a rough day, she was there when I missed home and just needed a hug, she was there when I needed a laugh, she was there when I needed to be shown love, she was there when I was feeling lonely. I had friends that were there for me as well, but Munkie was there when my friends couldn't be. For that matter, she was there while I did laundry, "cooked" (come on, let's be honest, we all know I don't cook) dinner, cleaned the bathroom, did my homework. Munkie was always with me if I was home, to the point that I dare say she was a part of me. To have that piece of me for 2 years and then just choose to leave it behind for 10 months was the hardest decision I've ever made in my life. Leaving my family, my friends, my Hope, that was hard too, but at least they understand what is going on and I can talk to them about it... I can't do that with Munkie. Think what you want, but I believe animals have more thoughts and feelings than most people say they do. I had a cat that would literally mope around the house and sit in my bedroom doorway when I went away to college. Luckily, it seems as though Munkie recovers well when I'm away for a long time (thanks to my family that is caring for her, playing with her, and loving her) so I have no doubt that when I return in December she will love me just the same as before I ever left because the two of us are simply inseparable. <3

Just a month or two old

The day I left July 2012

The day I came home May 2013

I LOVE MY MUNKIE!!!!